May 6

Sometimes this is just too easy.

Cory Smith, writer of The Cory Report, recently informed me of a church called the Westboro Baptist Church. What makes this organization different from other Christian churches? Here are a few of the teachings of the Westboro Baptist Church.

- God Hates Fags.
- Thank God for Dead Soldiers.
- Thank God for September 11th.

I have heard people thank God for a lot of things, but needless to say I did a double take when I heard Shirley Phelps Roper say that last one. Her father organizes the protests demonstrated by the Westboro Baptist Church. Now these people dont protest the war in front of the white house, that would be too predictable and... logical. These people go to the funerals of dead young men that served in Iraq. We cant even have a funeral for our dead soldiers in this country without these God-fearing maniacs holding up signs saying Dont worship the dead, Youre going to hell, and my favorite: God hates fags, Now I am against the war just as much as the next guy, but let me tell you one thing about the actual soldiers that are putting their asses on the line over in the Middle East- First of all, they sure as hell arent fairies. Second of all, even if one of them happened to be gay, he would still probably have more balls than I could ever hope to have, so lets just leave the sexual preference out of this blind hatred, thank you very much. (By the way they hate Catholics and Jews too.)

http://youtube.com/watch?v=1G470rfJQCI&search=hannity%20and%20colms

Heres the interview between Shirley Phelps Roper and Hannity & Colms. If it loads too slow just go to youtube.com and run a search for crazy sadistic fucking bitches that dont know what theyre talking about.

And if THAT doesnt get your blood pressure up to a nice unhealthy level, try this one on for size- www.godhatesfags.com Oh and be sure to visit the contact us page. Be sure to let the members of the Westboro Baptist Church know that they deserve a swift kick in the junk, followed of course by a bullet to the temple.

The Winner: Democrats and Republicans alike can sleep well knowing theyre worlds ahead of these people in terms of sanity.

March 5

Is rape a more heinous crime than abortion, or am I just losing my God damn mind?

Heres the deal- some hospitals (but not all) make morning-after birth control pills available for rape victims. Some hospitals run by Catholics, however, do not offer this service because morning-after pills are a form of abortion.

A new bill has been proposed (I dont know if this is a nation-wide thing or just in CT, I dont know because Fox news sucks) that would make the morning after birth control pill available in more hospitals so that it is easier for women who have been raped to make sure they dont give birth to a child whose father is a rapist.

Apparently there are pro-lifers (a lot of them) that took part in a rally opposing the bill. One protester said on camera, First they take God out of schools, now they want to take God out of hospitals?

Let me answer that one personally- HOLY SHIT, YES! Get God the fuck out of the hospitals! If God thinks that women that get raped should have to go through a nine month pregnancy to give birth to a child that has the most heinous crime known to man written into its DNA, then yes, get God the fuck out of the hospitals!

Honestly how in the hell do these people justify not going to work so that they can protest a womans right to NOT give birth to the child of a God damn rapist? I knew fundamentalist Christians were insane, they have the right to be, hell knows I take full advantage of the American right to be insane, but these people are marching around holding signs promoting the rapists right to procreate. Apparently to fundamentalist Christians its ok to rape a woman and get her pregnant and completely fuck her life in doing so, but its against Gods will for a woman who has been raped to decide to not give birth to the son or daughter of a rapist.

Winner: I dont know but if I see one more person skipping out on work so that they can protest against womens rights Im going to put a bullet between their eyes.

January 18

Youve probably seen the mayor of New Orleans addressing a crowd of people saying that God is mad at America for the war in Iraq, and that is why God is sending hurricanes to the United States to punish us for it.

Jesus Christ where do I fucking start.

First of all, since when does God use hurricanes? What happened the locusts and the plagues and the death of the first born son? Used to be when God got pissed you fucking knew it, now instead of splattering your door with lambs blood you have to board it up with plywood and play cards inside until the power comes back on. So what are you saying Mr. Mayor, has God lost his balls?

Second, youre telling me Gods pissed at America NOW!?!? Enslaving millions of Africans was acceptable, dropping a couple nukes over Japan didnt spark his interest, and all the other little stunts weve pulled werent worthy of a hurricane, but NOW were bringing Gods wrath upon us by occupying Iraq? I thought God liked war, he never had a problem with the crusades? Hell, were killing Muslims just like the good old days, why does God have a problem with that all of a sudden?

Let me tell you something Mr. Mayor- youre WRONG. God isnt pissed at us for going to war. The fucking PEOPLE are mad that were at war! The 70+ percent of American citezens that dont approve of the current administration are pissed, how about that?

Oh, and by the way, the whole hurricane thing- it has to do with warm fronts and cold fronts or something of that nature, I dont know, ask a meteorologist what causes the damn things, not a priest.

Winner: This ones a draw. Regardless of political affiliation, if you think hurricanes occur because of Gods wrath against our leaders, youre just fucking stupid.

January 3

Have you bought a movie at Wal-Mart lately? Have you noticed they always ask for identification if you get anything that isnt rated PG or Passion of the Christ?; This is just one example of Wal-Marts crusade to keep America sheltered and God-fearing. I know at one point they were censoring all the dirty words out of CD&s with parental advisory stickers on them, do they still do that? If they do, great, it supports my point. Who the hell is Wal-Mart to decide what we see and hear?

Today I went to Wal-Mart to get a copy of Red Dragon; on DVD, and I was displeased when the large-breasted employee behind the counter told me they were fresh out. Feeling pissed, I went to the outdoors department and started looking at their respectable collection of hunting knives. The gentlemen behind the counter took a break from their conversation about divine numbers and said, which one do you want to look at?; They started taking out knives from their sheathes and we talked about which ones were sharper, and I went with the 3 and ¾ inch foldable Buck. I waited with my hand in my pocket so I could whip out my ID confirming that Im 18, but as it turns out if youre buying a potentially dangerous weapon at Wal-Mart, they really dont give a shit how old you are. Maybe I shouldve bought a shotgun while I was at it, they probably wouldve let me have it if I had been wearing a CREED t-shirt and not one with a pentagram that read SLAYER.

The truth is folks Wal-Mart tries to be all squeaky clean with their good Christian values but theyve got their priorities all fucked up. Why do they discriminate who they sell movies too and not who theyre selling weapons too?

The winner: Republicans. Card-carrying NRA members to be more specific.